Late Start, Strong Finish: Follow My New Health Journey

Join me in my healthy journey over on YouTube. Over the last few years I've put back on most of the weight that I had lost before Covid. In that time I've focused more on mental health, my photography business and my family. Now, as I've gained back so much of what I fought to lose, I'm working to reverse that. In addition, I'm going to share my health journey with you all.

Follow My Midlife Health Journey

I've always been a larger person. In childhood I was called huskey. As a football (soccer) player I was nicknamed "yellow jello" by my own family because of my size. In adulthood I weighed over 300lbs on several occasions.

In addition to always being a larger person, I've also delt with childhood neglect and serious abuse, both physical and sexual. Besides that, I had never found much support from family or friends. Instead, my homelife for nearly my entire life was chaotic and abusive.

Additionally, passive aggression and insulting behavior were common traits both in my parent's household as well as in my first marriage.

Weight Loss History

I want to stress that weight loss isn't my primary focus. Of course, I'm going to lose weight. Plus, I'm going to talk about that. However, in the past, even when I was at my lowest weight in adulthood my doctors still said it wasn't enough.

First Marriage, Depression, Weight Gain

I married my first wife when we were both in our early 20s. In fact, I was 23 and she was 21. At the time I had already gained a significant amount of weight. In fact, I was over 310 lbs.

Shortly after getting married I switched jobs. Quickly I became overwhelmed and ended up being fired. Additionally, I had left college after struggling with undiagnosed ADHD. I fell into depression. My wife at the time wasn't very understanding. Of course, she was young, going to school and working, and certainly struggling with her own quarter-life-crisis.

Thankfully, after more than a month of despair a friend helped me find a new job. Too, within a few weeks I began to walk and eat better. In fact, I made radical changes.

Vegetarianism and Shock Changes

Prior to changing my diet I was having pre-diabetic symptoms, blood sugar crashes, and was eating horribly. In fact, I would sit, illegally downloading music, create art and music of my own, and become so hyper-focused that I would forget to eat. As a result, I'd run to a fast food restaurant and eat a massive amount of terrible fast food.

Due to my past and the state of my marriage at the time I didn't tell my wife I was going to stop eating meat. Rather, I waited a few weeks. During that time I hid my newfound vegetarianism by eating pasta or other items that would not draw suspicion.

I was right

It turned out that I was right to do so. When I told her I was going vegetarian, my ex flipped. She refused to join me. Instead, she insisted she was still very much going to eat meat. Over time she calmed down and eventually joined me in eating a mostly vegetarian meal.

Vegetarian Does Not Equal Healthy

Of course, while I was not eating meat that didn't mean I was eating healthy. In fact, most of my diet was grains. Beyond that there were a lot of processed meat substitutes. However, I did eventually begin to lose weight.

An Open Marriage A Push For Better Health

Typically I don't talk about this. However, my then wife's youth and inexperience along with my depression put strains on the marriage. These strains were heightened by her feeling that she's missed out on sex with other people. As a result, we agreed to an open marriage.

It turned out to be the push I needed to focus on my health. While I didn't have much luck with other partners, turns out a LOT of people are grossed out by the idea, I did lose a fair amount of weight. My health journey was boosted when I found skating.

Rollerblading My Way To Sexiness

As an undiagnosed neurodiverse person I had/have the tendency to get hyper focused. While looking for a way to get healthy by being more physical, I decided to take up inline skating, aka rollerblading.

I found a club of skaters here locally and joined up. As many of us neurodiverse people do, I got obsessed. Therefore, I began to skate nearly 7 days a week. Within a few months I had lost over 50lbs. Over the next few years I skated all the time, took trips to different cities, and got involved in the club's politics.

Fat Rebound

As happens, I eventually had a falling out with the club. The result of this was less skating, less physical activity, and a rebound of fatness.

In addition, I had opened my own business, was focused on building success there, and dealing with my then wife's health issues. All of which contributed to me losing control of my weight.

Finding Community

As someone who has always been community minded, I became involved in a community development group after moving to a new neighborhood. At first, I did this to meet new folks to sell my services to. However, I quickly became hyper-focused on the group and it's projects. As a result, I was asked to serve on the board. Eventually, I became a vice president, then president of the board of directors.

Leadership Is Lonely

Once I was elected president I was tasked with resolving a few big issues. First, the organization had opened a sister organization which needed to be relocated. Second, our staff was not meeting standards according to many board members as well as the neighborhood we were serving.

At first I tried to help our staff make improvements. As a result, I threw myself fully into my role. Of course, this wasn't good for me personally or my business. However, as time went on, the staff began to see me as an enemy not a friend.

The Impacts of Toxicity

After accusations of having created a toxic work environment for our sister organization surfaced, I took an even more active role. This resulted in even more animosity and the resignation of our staff. All of this information was made public by the former staff. Otherwise I wouldn't feel comfortable sharing it. Additionally, this was over 10 years ago now.

 The toxicity that our sister organization's staff and former staff described were not limited to them. In fact, I was subjected to incendiary and inflammatory 9pm calls and emails that seemed to be fueled by drinking on the part of the person making them. As a result, my health suffered.

Cleaning Up A Mess

After the organization's staff resigned we set to work cleaning up a big mess. First, we had to make sure people knew we were still there and were going to make changes. Second, we had to rebuild relationships the former staff had harmed. Finally, we had to put in a lot of work to fix a mountain of problems.

During this process my health really took a backseat.

However, after handing off the presidency and hiring a new Executive Director, I was able to once again restart my health journey.

Kidney Stones and Loss of Purpose

It turned out that I had thrown myself so deep into the nonprofit organization that I was running, as a volunteer, that I loss my sense of purpose. In addition, I was struck with a bad case of kidney stones.

Those kidney stones drove me to my doctor's office. While there he told me that I also needed to lose weight. Of course, he wasn't totally off-base. I weighed 315lbs at the time.

100 Pounds in 12 Months

I lost 100lbs in 12 months. I didn't set out to lose any set amount of weight. However, after losing the first 15lbs my doctor asked me what my goal was.

At first I told him, to be healthy. He insisted that I set a goal weight. So, knowing I'd not seen a 1-- on a scale as an adult I said 199lbs. He initially agreed with that. However, towards the end of my losing that much weight he told me that my BMI was still high.

BMI is Bullshit

If you're working on losing weight, screw BMI. It's bunk. BMI lists obesity starting at a point wherein, for nearly all adults, the health status of those over or under that limit are nearly identical. That means, if you're obese per your BMI you're just as healthy as someone who isn't.

So, keep up whatever you're doing in your health journey and don't let BMI get you down.

Like I said, I lost 100lbs in 12 months. It was my goal and I did so using MyFitnessPal, increasing my activity, decreasing my calories, and spending an unbelievable amount of time trying to escape from my life mentally.

Divorce, Neurodiversity, Midlife Crisis

I hit my 40s like a brick wall. In fact, I was doubting if I wanted to be a photographer, my undiagnosed ADHD was out of control, and my close friend had a tiny premature baby.

I've wanted to be a father longer than I can remember. I really love babies and kids. As a result, when my friend had her baby and was in crisis (as was her husband) I stepped up to try to be there for them.

Ultimately, I didn't do the best job. Instead, the lack of learning boundaries lead to me inserting myself where I didn't belong. I hurt my friends and their relationship. Despite this, when I got divorced they let me live with them.

Finding Myself and my Health

If you watch my first video you'll hear me talk about my focus not just on physical but also mental health. I'm committed to both. Of course, it didn't/doesn't just happen.

After recovering a bit from the mess I made of my life, I set out to make some improvements. I found a loving and supportive partner, I rebuilt my business, and I was diagnosed with ADHD. In addition, I began to see a therapist and to address my childhood trauma.

Support Is Key

The support I've gotten from my wife and my therapists, as well as those I've chosen to call friends, is huge. My health journey started with better mental health.

That said, I have once again found myself on the brink of 300lbs. As a result, I've committed myself to improving my overall health.

Health Isn't A Number

It's important for me to say this: health isn't a number on the scale. Health isn't a number. How I define health is very much up to me. When I feel good and have the strength, flexibility, stamina, etc. that I want that's when I'll know I'm healthy.

Remember, health also isn't stagnant. This is exactly why I'm on a health journey. That journey will likely have twists and turns. So what.

I'm not out to find a destination and I think that's so important to say. For me, it's about this journey, my health journey. Ultimately I'm creating my own path. As a result, I hope you will too.

I'm professional nature photographer Don Orkoskey. Be sure to take a look at my nature portfolio, bird photos, fine art, and the rest of my work. View the articles on my blog and be sure to follow me on social media accounts:

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